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10 March 2009 @ 04:11 pm

if you come softly

if you come softly, my life,
i will not use harsh words
and i'll let the wind between us be sweet

if you come softly, my love,
i will bring your seed to life
and smile in it's wonders

if you come softly, my soul,
i will set fire to the masses
so they will create a world of beauty and love
and art tools will be their guide- not weapons meant for
HATE!

so, if you come softly, my heart,
i will not fear for our loved ones
and will NOT shed tears to break your spirit

if you come softly...

Mood:

crushed

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21 February 2009 @ 01:38 pm

Remember those walls I built. Well, baby they're tumbling down. And they didn't even put up a fight, They didn't even make up a sound. I found a way to let you in But I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo. I got my angel now. It's like I've been awakened Every rule I had you breakin'. It's the risk that I'm takin'. I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now. I'm surrounded by your embrace. Baby I can see your halo. You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more..It's written all over your face..Baby I can feel your halo..Pray it won't fade away

Hit me like a ray of sun. Burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that I want. Think I'm addicted to your light...I swore I'd never fall again. But this don't even feel like falling...Gravity can't forget , To pull me back to the ground again

I can feel your halo

lyrics to Halo - beyonce ( I am .... Sasha Fierce) Its how im feeling right now....

Mood:

mellow

Music: beyonce - halo

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17 February 2009 @ 01:18 am

I don't want this moment to ever end. Where everythings nothing without you. I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile. 'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.........Through it all, I made my mistakes...I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know. With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul. I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show. And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt. Pieces of memories fall to the ground. I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go. 'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go I've come to an end

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies. When you don't know what you're looking to find. In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find

I don't want this moment to ever end Where everythings nothing without you

With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul. I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show................And I won't let go

Mood:

gloomy

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16 February 2009 @ 10:05 pm

the water, the flood

A dark, omnipresent pool of water.
It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when the time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body. You drown in that cruel flood, gasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is dry and burns your throat. Water and thirst, cold and heat- these supposedly opposite elements combine to assault you.
The world is a huge space, but the space will take you in - and it doesn't have to be very big - is nowhere to be found. You seek a voice, but what do you get? Silence. You look for silence, but guess what? All you hear over and over is the voice of this omen. And sometimes this prophetic voice pushes a secret switch hidden deep inside your brain. Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, spilling over its banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself : That's it.
That's my heart.

Mood:

exhausted

Music: guardian angel - red jumsuit apparatus

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16 February 2009 @ 07:28 pm

i have to be tough to survive

In this life. the people dress neatly, have nice straight teeth, and are boring as hell. Naturally i have zero friends. I've built a wall around me, never letting anybody inside and trying not to venture outside mysel. Who could like somebody like that? They all keep an eye on me, from a distance. They might hate me, or even be afraid of me, but im just glad they didnt bother me. I have to be tough if i want to survive.

I can't remember the last time i laughed or even showed a hint of a smile to another person. Let alone myself. I'm not trying to imply i can keep up this silent, isolated facade all the time. Sometimes the wall I've erected around me comes crumbling down. It doesn't happen very often, but sometimes, before I even realise whats going on, there i am - naked and defenseless and utterly confused. At times like that i always feel an omen calling out to me. like a dark omnipresent pool of water. switch off the light and leave the room behind. A heavy, damp stillness lies over the house. the whispers of people who dont exist, the breath of the dead. I look around, standing stock still, and take a deep breath.

Location: townsville

Mood:

morose

Music: goodbye - secondhand serenade

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16 February 2009 @ 05:04 pm

take a deep breath

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing direction. You change direction, but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right in to the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it. step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverised bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine. And that's exactly what i do. My eyes re closed tight, hands cupped over my ears, so those fine grains of sand cant blow inside of me. The sandstorm draws steadily closer. It really is going to swallow me up.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake
about it : it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, i will bleed, you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once that storm is over you wont remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You wont even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you wont be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm is all about.

It sounds a little like a fairy tale. But its no fairy tale, believe me. No matter what sort of spin you put on it.

Tags: fate, imagine, sand, storm

Location: somewhere in my head

Music: HINDER - without you

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06 February 2009 @ 11:55 pm

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Music: sum 41

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06 February 2009 @ 10:37 pm

I am outside , And I've been waiting for the sun , With my wide eyes , I've seen worlds that don't belong ...My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize ...Tell me why we live like this ...Keep me safe inside , Your arms like towers ...Tower over me

Yeah 'Cause we are broken . What must we do to restore ...Our innocence ...And all the promise we adored . Give us life again 'cause we just wanna be whole . Lock the doors 'Cause I'd like to capture this voice . It came to me tonight . So everyone will have a choice . And under red lights I'll show myself it wasn't forged . We're at war . We live like this

Tower over me

And I'll take the truth at any cost

'Cause we are broken

Music: we are broken - paramore

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06 February 2009 @ 09:27 am

where are we? what the hell is going on? the dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet, sinking feeling spin me round again and rub my eyes, this can't be happening...when busy streets amass with people would stop to hold their heads heavy hide and seek, trains and sewing machines , all those years, they were here first

oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here) blood and tears (hearts) they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say, that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,that it's all for the best?
Of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth, mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs, speak no feeling no I don't believe you....you don't care a bit,

Music: Imogen Heap - Dear sister

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04 February 2009 @ 07:01 pm

I waited for so long, you showed me you were the one, I gave you my heart, right from the very start so, Every time you lied, I knew inside Get another chance, I was hurting, I was broken ... I stayed to long and so that's why, you didn't think that I knew wrong. It's all because, I loved you, (because) I held you, (because) I believed you, You're not what I needed, (because) I'm stronger, (Because) I'm better, (because) without ya, you'd thought I'd be in pieces, Because, because, I loved ya, (because) I loved ya.................You gave me, just one thing, for taking from the beginning. You left me, a heart ache, how much more could I take, With every alibi, that made me cry, I still gave you more, I should've given up, when I had had enough, But I stayed to long, that's why, you didn't think that I knew wrong,

I made a mistake of giving me to you,
I made a mistake of loving you

Location: home

Mood:

scared

Music: let go - frou frou

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02 February 2009 @ 12:44 am

You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
Then my world was shattered

Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seem if I just dream
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could

Too many years
Fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die

Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say goodbye'.

Mood:

rejected

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01 February 2009 @ 11:48 pm

I thought I saw you late last night, but it was just a flash of light. An angel passing. But I remember yesterday. Life before you went away. And we were laughing. We had hope and now it's broken. And I could see it clearly once when you were here with me. And now somehow all that's left are pieces of a dream. Now I'm lost in restless nights. Just a whisper of the life that we created. Shadows falling. I am calling.

And I could see it clearly once when you were here with me. And now somehow all that's left are pieces of a...The faded photographs.
The frames of broken glass. The shattered memories. Time will soon erase. All these souvenirs. Salt from a thousand tears. But when I wake up you are never there. We had hope and now it's broken. And I could see it clearly once when you were here with me.
And now somehow all that's left are pieces of a...

Pieces of a dream.

Mood:

worried

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01 February 2009 @ 11:27 pm

Dont fail me now

"Heart don't fail me now,Courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that we're here, People always say Life is full of choices. No one ever mentions fear or how a road can seem so seems long or how the world can seems so vast, courage see me through, heart i trust in you on this journey to the past.....Somewhere down this road I know someone's waiting. Years of dreams just can't be wrong, Arms will open wide I'll be safe and wanted, Finally home where I belong...well starting here my life begins starting now, I'm learning fast courage see me through heart I trust in you On this journey to the past

Home, love, family. There was once a time I must've had them too. Home, love, family. I will never be complete until I find you

One step at a time One hope then another, Who knows where this road may go. Back to who I was, Onto find my future Things my heart still needs to know, Yes, let this be a sign , Let this road be mine Let it lead from my past, courage see me through heart I trust in you... bring me home At Last "

Mood:

gloomy

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01 February 2009 @ 10:49 pm

Beauty in teh breakdown

drink up, baby down mmm, are you in or are you out, leave your things behind 'cause it's all going off without you excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy, these mishaps, you bubble wrap when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in oh well, whatcha waiting for it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown...so let go, just get in oh, it's so amazing here, it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown...it gains the more it gives and then it rises with the fall, so hand me that remote can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure, we've no time for later now, you can't await your own arrival, you've 20 seconds to comply

'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

Mood:

crushed

Music: let go - frou frou

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13 January 2009 @ 06:02 pm

falling down, yesterday is my hero

This world's an ugly place.
filled with so, so much disgrace.
Can we just save each other from each one another.
It's just our human nature to want to hurt each other.
Can we just clear the memories of distant fears within me.
Can you see your world coming crashing down,
I know it's not your fault but you need someone to blame
replace this pain that's been with you for all these years.
Dry out your weeping eyes.
Step back from this disguise.
Pick up the broken pieces of all life's greatest secrets.
This world's a lonely place, filled with so, so much disgrace.

Location: Gladstone

Mood:

crushed

Music: i dont believe you - P!NK

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04 September 2008 @ 01:05 pm

Kiss me now you'll catch my death

Take a look at my body. Look at my hands. There's so much here that I don't understand. Your face saving promises whispered like prayers...I don't need them...I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long...As if I'm becoming untouchable . Contempt loves the silence. It thrives in the dark with fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart . They say that promises sweeten the blow. But I don't need them. No, I don't need them . I'm a slow dying flower. Frost killing hour. The sweet turning sour...And untouchable

O, I need, The darkness, The sweetness, The sadness, The weakness...I need this

I need A lullaby, A kiss goodnight... I'm leaving

Mood:

drained

Music: mad world - micheal andrews

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02 September 2008 @ 03:01 pm

just look at me one last time and see

As I rest against this cold, hard wall...Will you pass me by? Will you criticize me as I sit and cry? I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won...Only to find the war has just begun

Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime? Is there anyway to be made whole again? If I'm healed,renewed, and find forgiveness find the strength I've never had...Will my scars forever ruin all my plans?

Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough? To break me, pour me out, and start again. Is He not brave enough? To take one chance on me?
Please can I have one chance to start again?

He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around...In my most desperate circumstance...It's there I've finally found

That You were strong enough to break me, pour me out and start again
That You were brave enough...To take one chance on me...SO please look at me one last time and see......I loved you and i still do

Mood:

rejected

Music: darkness - disturbed

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02 September 2008 @ 02:54 pm

break me up and start again

My mind is gone, I'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm, in this condition
And I've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
'cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I should've never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Can't figure out how you stole my heart

Mood:

lonely

Music: embrace -the end is near

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02 September 2008 @ 02:43 pm

too close for comfort

I gotta get out or figure this shit out..
.It creeps up inside you and consumes you,
its a disease of the mind that can control you.
Release me from this hole im in..
trying to maintain my life but im struggling...

Mood:

confused

Music: cry - rhianna

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01 September 2008 @ 01:52 pm

submerged in your contradictions

We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

Music: frozen (dance remix) - madonna

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